On Hold

I often hear someone say I’m not a real runner. We are all runners, some just run faster than others. I never met a fake runner. – Bart Yasso

Ohhh the beauty of twisting reality to your benefit. I used to take strength from this quote, motivation and power to continue. Recently, it’s just been stressing me out. So much so, that yesterday I made the decision to put running on hold.

Currently, life is all over the place and usually that wouldn’t be a problem. Being busy is my jam! Until recently, when things just started getting out of control and the negative downward spiral began

I found myself going for sporadic runs, skipping workouts and feeling guilty for doing so. Prioritising sleep over running (which is incredibly important to avoid injury – check the latest Runner’s World article) and then feeling guilty about it. Eating out and enjoying my life with my boyfriend and friends only to feel even more guilty for spending time with them instead of running. I felt guilty for running and I felt guilty for not running – I couldn’t win. Everywhere on Instagram I saw people following their training plans, smashing goals through injury and other obstacles. I’m proud of them, proud of our runners community, but for me, at this time, it just doesn’t make sense and I fear that if I continue to push through, I won’t go back. I enjoy running and don’t want to fall out of love with it, so I think the best for me, is to take a break until the day when I actively want to go for a run rather than need to because it’s part of the plan.

With that said, I’m taking time out. I don’t know how long for, but I do get ants in my pants when I’m not active so this will also be an interesting experiment.

Flying the nest

I never realised how much of a homebird I actually was until I was away from home. On my own. In a country that was part of my heritage and I thought I knew but realised that in reality, I didn’t. My idea was far from what I encountered. 

My first couple of months in Edinburgh I suffered from what I now come to understand as culture shock. Being half English and coming from Portugal, I was prepared for the cold weather, the lack of sun and the attempt st rain, more like drizzle. However, what I forgot to include in my ‘idealised’ experience, was the drinking culture. I’m the first one to openly admit I drink and that I enjoy doing so, but what I’ve never done, is drink with the sole purpose of getting drunk, using any form of alcoholic beverage irrespective of whether it’s enjoyable, to achieve said purpose. 

I felt isolated and spent most of my first year of university like that, as well as the next two or three. Pre drinking was not my thing – why spend money on cheap alcohol to get drunk before you go out so you don’t end up buying alcohol in the clubs but you’re so drunk you don’t remember your reasoning and end up buying expensive drinks anyways?! I don’t get it, I never have and I don’t think I ever will do either. 

But despite all that and the fact I was battling depression, I managed to get through it. Thank goodness for technology, especially Skype! The hours I spent talking to my family, the phone calls, messages and the flights home made it all much better. 

4 years since I left home I still miss them all like crazy, they’re my family and Lisbon is my home, that’s never going to change. But I’m used to it now, it doesn’t affect me as much it used to, or maybe I just don’t let it. In these years, I’ve taught myself to focus on what I have rather than agonise over what I don’t have. It means that every time I get to see my family, it’s that little bit sweeter. 
So here’s to learning how to live away from home, being aware and grateful for what I already have and to a weekend in Venice with my family! 

Today

Today I woke up.

Thankfully, I’ve been doing that for the past 22 years (now almost 23), but it wasn’t until 2016, that I realised waking up isn’t what it used to be. I used to be excited about what the day ahead would entail, yearning for new challenges, prospects and opportunities. When I used to have a ‘not-so-good’ day I would tell myself, tomorrow is a new day, another day.

That fact still stands, tomorrow IS a new day, but today…well today? I feel as if we’ve just lost the last 20 years, for some people it will be even more, but I can only account for those I have lived. In an environment where I walk down the street and feel unsafe for being a woman; when I still have to say I’m a feminist and “no, it doesn’t mean I hate men”; where there is still so much talk about feminism, but it’s still so misunderstood – surely we should all get it by now?; where young people are entering adult life with debt they can never possibly pay back, only made worse by the growing rate of unemployment and living costs; where is this change that we all work towards, strive for? Yes, a baby has been born twice, but what world will she be growing into? One that has returned to a culture of racism and sexism, increased violence, control of (not-so-free) free speech and expression?

I fear for that little baby and her two births, I fear for my brother, for my future children, for the person next to me on the bus, for all the young people growing up in an increasingly ‘big bad world’.

But surprisingly, I also hope. For tomorrow is another day.

A matter of perspective

I received an email a couple of days ago with some really great news – I had been successful in making it to the next stage of interviews for a 1 year internship opportunity I had applied for back in December 2015. Yay to me! After celebrating, which because I was on placement involved quickly sneaking to the staff room and doing a little dance, I came face to face with reality. There was a drawback: the interview dates were during the time I was either on placement  or commencing my journey/adventure to Everest Base Camp.

I’m a great believer that “honesty is the best policy” and so, I quickly emailed back and explained I wouldn’t be able to make some of the later interview dates as I would be in Nepal. I was anxious of their response and I’m pretty sure that was intuition because after such a positive first email, the second was less so. I was told that if I couldn’t attend the assessment day on the 13th (which I couldn’t as I’d still be in Nepal) I would have to withdraw my application. That being said, they were still interested in interviewing and meeting me in person, location: York station Costa coffee.

In all honesty, initially I was quite upset – I’d put so much hope (the power of which is unimaginable) into the opportunity of the internship, that when it didn’t quite work out, I was, to say the least, gutted. My first thought was to vent and write this post, but as I started writing, I also started thinking. Thinking about what you ask? Mainly about clouds (I’m slightly over enthusiastic about these collections of water and ice crystals), silver linings and most importantly perspective. I was frustrated that I’d been ‘disqulaified’ from the internship because I couldn’t attend the final assessement day. But then I took a moment and thought about why it was that I couldn’t be there: I would be returning from 3 weeks of an adventure trekking to Everest Base Camp. Not only am I extremely lucky to be going on this journey, working alongside Moving Mountains Trust and building a water supply for the village of Bupsa, all the while being supported by my friends and family, but I was also fortunate to have got to the interview stage of internships at all.

My generation (Generation Y) is taught from a young age to expect so much and always work towards the best, strive for the highest position possible, that with such a fast paced and sometimes erratic life, when things go wrong, it feels as if it is the end of the road. What we all need to learn, well me especially, is that when things happen, it’s ok for it to feel like the end of the world, just for a little while. But what we also have to realise is that the situation depends on a matter of perspective. It’s the age old “glass half full or half empty” conundrum. Depending on your own personality, two people may look at the same glass and have different perspectives, both positive and negative. I guess what I’m trying to say is that perspective is important, but what’s even more important is the power of positive perspective, or PPP. Let’s face it, negative perspective has never done anyone any good, so what’s the point of it? Positive perspective is where it’s at! So next time it feels as if it’s the end of the road, I’m going to test PPP and maybe you should to.

I’ll leave you all with a photo of clouds and a lot of field..try and find the positivity in that!

Purpose and a slap in the face from LIFE

It’s always the way…life is moving along at it’s own natural pace and then BANG! Like a slap to the face, you have gone from struggling to keep yourself motivated with mindless tasks to having your days filled to the brim with meetings, events and work deadlines, all of which stress you out. Yet despite the stress and anxiety, the running around (both literally and metaphorically), the lack of sleep and excessive amounts of caffeine consumed, I find myself craving these days more and more because they provide me with what the other days lack – purpose!

In the future, when I tell of my (what I hope is going to be) an adventure, I’m sure I’ll get asked at what point I decided to do such a stupidly crazy thing? After a long weekend spent sleeping in a pod in the Lake District, disconnecting from constant technology overload and enjoying a much needed break from the routine of city life, I think I may have come up with the answer to the question. It was sometime during night shift 2 out of 3, at about 3am. I think I was at the stage where I’m so tired and absolutely exhausted that everything is either really blurry or clear as day. I’d say that night, things were clear as day, clearer than they had ever been and I made the decision then and there to join Leeds RAG (Raise and Give), raise £600 and trek to Everest Base Camp.

Flights booked and deposit paid, there really is no turning back now! It’s going to be a very rough couple of weeks with planning and working to earn the extra £££s I need for the trip. But like I said at the beginning, for the next couple of weeks, I feel as if I have purpose in my life. I’ve got a goal to work towards and I’m going to make it happen with every fibre in my body! Talking of which, I should really get back to writing my dissertation now and leave my ramblings on here for another day.

Appreciation part 2: Living in the moment

I have always considered myself to be extremely fortunate to have grown up where I did and although, when I was younger I didn’t see the appeal, looking back now, I wouldn’t change it for anything!

I was born in Lisbon and lived there all my life until, being half english, I decided to come to the U.K. to honour my British heritage and continue my higher education. When I tell this to people, I usually get the same reaction: why would you come here when Portugal is so much warmer, more beautiful, less wet and grey? I can only say that “the grass is always greener on the other side” could not apply more perfectly to this situation. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is important that we always strive to achieve the best that we can, but sometimes, we need to realise that where we are (both geographically and in terms of our life journey) is actually really good. Yes, it may not be perfect, but then does perfection really exist? Personally, I don’t think so and in all honesty, that ‘light bulb moment’ only really came on for me during the summer of 2015 whilst I was out running. Some may say I was a little late, but then again, is it not better late than never?

Having been born in the early 1990s I grew up in a highly fluctuating culture driven by rapid change and success. I remember having dial up internet, watching Disney films on VHS, the introduction of the World Wide Web (and later Google) as well as spending most of my time outdoors or playing board games and cards. The rapid development and use of the internet and platforms such as MSN messenger, My Space and later Facebook, created an ultimately selfish and self-centred generation. Many of us (note: not everyone), born in those years, seem to be (at varying levels) addicted with over sharing and constantly striving to display an unrealistic image of themselves, which they perceive to be the ‘ideal’. Case in point, the ‘selfie’ and the appearance of apps such as Snapchat and Instagram which further encourage this culture, whether its people displaying photographs of the perfect wedding, their morning run where they smashed their personal best or their holiday home in the Bahamas, it’s creating a situation where people forget to take a look at themselves rather than worrying about others.

So I guess what I’m trying to say, is to take a moment, each day and just look around. But I mean properly look, with your eyes and not through a camera. What do you see? I know today, for me, it was this gorgeous sunset (the photo does not do it justice!) and to be honest, it made my day!

 

 

A new found appreciation for life

The silver lining of these clouds? This was (to date) my favourite holiday spent with my family

In my head (and on several pieces of scrap paper scattered around the house) I had so many ideas for my first blog post, but now, as I finally come to write it, all I can think is that maybe I should have organised those pieces of paper a little better.

Anyways, this is my blog. Welcome!

My name is Claudia, I’m currently in my 3rd (and last!!!) year of my adult nursing degree and, like many others, share a passion for anything health, fitness and lifestyle related, especially if it contributes to a positive and health filled life. On a personal level, I have recently come to the conclusion that life is too short and that every cloud, however grey, dark or bleak it may appear, always has a silver lining, even if it’s not as clear as you sometimes wish it could be. That, coupled with my passion for wholesome food (see **), exercise and a particular interest in our health, both physical and mental, has led me to create this blog.

For now, this is just an outlet for my musings and whoever reads this, I hope you enjoy it and take something away from it, even if it’s the realisation that we all need to appreciate life a little more.

Thanks for stopping by and let me know (good and bad) what you think.

Claudia

** wholesome food for me, has been known to include a full English on a Sunday morning, an excellent glass of red wine (preferably Portuguese) and lots of tasty cheese. It’s about enjoying what you eat and making sure it’s as natural as possible!